Happy 10th Birthday Chandler!

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On October 11th 1998 our second child was born. She was due October 12th and after a few days of on again off again contractions I went to the hospital at 6pm on that Sunday night. We anticipated her arrival with great joy. We had our little boy and now a girl. Her room was ready, painted pink of course. Her closet was already filled with cute little dresses and shoes. I had made Rick redo her room so it was perfect. We had her name all picked out, Chandler Renee' McInelly. While laying in the hospital bed with my mother in law sitting next to me and Rick and the rest of my family sitting on the couches eating McDonalds, I noticed that while my water had broke my contractions were not getting any harder. As the nurse was coming in with the poticin to get them going my mother in law noticed that Chandlers heart rate was down in the 90's. She asked the nurse if anyone realized how low the heart rate was. The answer was that they (meaning the other nurses and resident on staff) were watching at the front desk and if anything was wrong they would see. No sooner did she say that then the resident come in and kick everyone out. As she tried to get Chandlers heart rate up, it dropped again into the 40's. She made the quick call to have an emergency c-section. From the time they made the call to the time she was born was a quick 7 min. I was knocked out because I had not had an epidural yet and when I awoke 2 hours later, my sweet husband was next to me in the recovery room trying to explain to me what had happened while I was asleep.
I only go over these events now because it has been 10 years! 10 YEARS! I remember those events like it was yesterday. This single event changed my whole life. She was put on life support until I was able to wake up and hold her. I never heard her cry. I never got to see her eyes. I only got to hold her and love on her for a small amount of time. She was 8 lbs. 15 oz. And had a head of dark blond hair. As we have added kids to the family she and Ian looked the most alike, though there were times that Parker's baby pictures were identical to hers. They were never able to give me any reasons for her short life. No answers to why. Only the faith that we have knowing that she came and received her body and that her mission was done. Her short life touched many and still touches people as I share her with others.
I have no problem talking about her or showing off her pictures, though they are sad pictures to look at. I want people to see her, to know she lived. I want people to acknowledge her life no matter how short it was. She is and always will be a huge part of our family. Her picture hangs on the wall with the others. She is our angel baby, that gives us another reason to strive to return to our Father in Heaven. She needs us to be worthy to raise her and I want to raise her. I long for the morning of the first resurrection that I will be able to hold her and this time she will be able to look at me and I will see if her eyes are blue like her brothers or green like her dads.
I write all this because its all I have of her. It's all I get, once a year we buy flowers and balloons for her grave instead of polly pockets, webkinz and baby dolls. Thank goodness for the knowledge that our family has of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It gives us hope and peace. It fills the hole in my heart that is empty because my family isn't complete right now. But some day it will be, I just have to be patient, and some days its really hard.
Thank you to all my friends who over the years have been their for me. Evan after 10 years, they still remember her. Thank You!!!